I want to first say that this is the most transparent that I have been on here so please just keep in mind today you are not reading my mind, you are reading my soul. Today I lost a good friend and it was a complete shock. Now he didn’t die but he is definately dead to me. We didn’t fall out necessary, he just said for him he couldn’t continue to be my friend. He is my ex boyfriend and he was my closest friend.

It started as a unique friendship that turned into a unique relationship that returned to a unique friendship. And I knew that it could be hard moving from one phase to the next. I never thought we would be here. We built a friendship, a relationship, created a life together. Now that life is gone and so is the relationship and the friendship. He said he couldn’t handle to reality of having me in his life and not sharing it with me so he made the decision to eliminate the source of the problem to his life. Me. And it hurts.

I dont have many friends, and definately none nearly as close as he was and now its gone. I have lost friends before but never in this way. I feel like I couldn’t be more hurt if he were to have died. More than anything else, if I could go back and never allow the friendship to take a romantic relationship turn I would, just to ensure that I would still have my friend. My heart is truly hurting and I don’t know what to do.

I mean I can’t lie. I want to try to talk him out of this decision. I don’t think it’s for the best. But for him it’s something that has to be done and it is the best. I feel like he’s selfish for not seeing what his friendship means to me and allowing the fact that our relationship ended crumble the friendship we started before that. Maybe its the timeframe in which it happened that makes it so difficult to understand or comprehend. I just need the time to heal. So I thank you in advance to giving me the space and time to heal.

Tearfully drinking Solange’s Would’ve been the one and Beyonce’s Broken-hearted girl while bare.