I’m in love. I fell in love. Love at first sight. What’s realistic? Personally, I think the latter two statements are crap. And excuse me if I am less then gentle way of saying that it bothers me. I just cannot believe in the act of falling in love or love at first sight. Those phrases make me sick to my stomach or rather boil my blood. The ignorance behind those statements is beyond me. People use these terms as a way to play up this wild fantasy they have in their mind until there is a bump in the road at which time they fall out of love.
I was talking to a friend about how we love certain people in our lives and he told that people fall in and out of love all of the time and at the drop of a hat. I began to tell him that I don’t believe in falling in love. And I don’t. I definitely believe in love but the act of falling in love is negligent to say the least. My friend knew prior to that conversation that I don’t believe in falling in love; however I don’t think he knew what I meant. I began to tell him about how I feel about the guy I am in love with.

I didn’t fall in love with [him]. I grew to love [him]. Falling in love implies a sudden action; this didn’t happen overnight.

Being in love is not about good times and hot sex. As funny as it may seem though you can have both while in love they predicate the extent of one’s love. Sometimes life is hard and draining in those times people who fall in love have already have fallen out of love.

697132503_2408fa59c2I have an associate who has gone through several terrible that have lead her to despair, heartbreak, and ultimately low self esteem. I have watched as she’s allowed herself to “fall” in and out of love, damaging their views on life, men, and themselves with each relationship or lack thereof. Now I’m not debating whether or not she was in love but her urgency with each of these relationship caused her to look through rose colored glass cover until she realized they are not anything like who she imagined. She too eagerly entered these relationships that were set up to deplete her.

The way I see falling in love is not for those who invest in others. Falling in love is not for those who would take one’s time. When you fall into anything you it implies being irrational and weak. People who fall in love find themselves realizing one major thing: When life gets hard the person I fell in love with was not around. I’m not saying that is some causes people who fall in love can’t have sustainable relationships but I quote the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, “They are the exception.”

Love at first sight? The statement is comical at best. Love is like oatmeal, it gets you through. You look at someone and know that you love them. You just can’t. You can look at someone and have an opinion on who you think they are and possibly who they may become to your life but you cannot look at someone and say “My I love them.” The reason being is you don’t know them. How many people have you met only to regret the day that you met them. How many people have you met and genuinely wish you have given them a chance instead of written them off. I have not been in love many times but in the times when I have, I think back to days when I first met them and I didn’t think love… Some thoughts about them crossed my mind but none of them were pertaining to love.

It’s important for everyone to be realistic and see that it’s not as romantic as one may think it is to “fall in love” or to being in love at the first sight of someone. Ultimately it could be rough. In many cases people fall in love and try to make things and situation comfortable when they were never meant to be. I urge all that are in love, have falling in love, or love at the sight of someone to look deep within yourself and the relationship to see what it really going on.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Open heartedly enjoying Without Love by Stacie Orrico and I Decided by Solange still with a clear conscience.