Keianna White has a question for all who are willing, is it dramatic, extra, or unrealistic for person 1 to want to go to places and do things with person 2 that person 2 has never done or gone with anyone else if they are dating, seeing each other, or “talking”?

This was my question to Facebook yesterday. I have been thinking about this for some time now. What can I say it’s been a long time coming. Is it reasonable to want to only experience things that the person you are interested in has never experienced with someone else?

I can understand the need to want to know that things are fresh and new. However how realistic is it? Truly how would you feel if someone told you regardless of the fact that these places mean something to you outside of your past relationships I don’t want to go there if you have been there with them. I don’t think it’s realistic, but I understand it at the same time. I wish I that I would be the first person to make footprints in the sand, but I won’t be. In the same way many of us will not be the first one to make a move on someone’s heart.

There is something about having a past that makes you human. However in the context of a relationship, however it is that you describe yours, there is something that makes it uncomfortable to know that there was someone before you. I don’t think that I am the only one that feels this way but as I often say, if it’s just me I understand. There is something about knowing or not knowing that one day when it was cold he gave her his coat to keep her warm, the way he does with you. There is something about knowing or not knowing one night when he had a rough day he put his head in her lap and she rubbed his head, the way she does with you.

When I asked this question to my Facebook friends the responses I received were that it’s not unrealistic but romantic, the thought of experiencing things with someone you care about that both of you have never experienced before. One of my friends stated that they had a clean slate so they are more optimistic about wanting to experience new things with the one that they would grow to care about. I agree with him, I am a bit pessimistic regarding this not because I don’t want to go out of my way to purposely not go places or do things that I once shared with someone else but because I feel that someone my take this as an unreasonable request. As I stated in the beginning, I understand if someone feels that way. I have been to places that I enjoy with people of my past but not because of them but rather because I enjoyed the places.

I’m sure it’s more of an insecurity thing within me that makes me not want to experience things that have been experienced by someone else, but it is what it is. The driving force behind all of this isn’t that I want more than whoever was before me but in the back of my mind I would wonder if she as deserving of whatever experience that we now mentally share as I am. Does a memory of that person resurrect when you have this experience with me?

I understand that when allowing one to love another you have to accept their past as something that happened before and has nothing to do with you. I understand that their past has gotten them to where they are, you. But stories of dinners, trips, and random goings on of time with the person past could be too much. And for those who feel it is too much, are they unrealistic to not want to encounter any of it? Does that make them insecure beyond repair?

We all have memories and stories of our past. Some that we enjoy so much that we want to share with anyone who is willing to listen, including the one whom which we have entrusted our hearts. Not being able to share these events or feelings can be a major road block in one’s relationship. Knowing of the past helps build up the future but knowing that you enjoyed time with someone else the way you enjoy time with me can be intimidating at best. Think about it this way, the thought of adventures with an ex allows us to know that the ex isn’t as crazy/psycho as we wanted to believe, which may make some feel like they are competing the past.  

I just wonder if I am the only one that is this insecure at times. I wonder if you got this request would you dismiss the person and their insecurities or would you enable them. Would you call it enabling or making them feel comfortable with your past? Should you have to make someone comfortable with your past? As I have said in other posts tonight I do not have the answers but all of the questions. Once again if it is just me, I understand. I’m a work in progress. We are still working on me.

Reflectivly taking in John Legend’s Everybody knows while damaged and bare.