love


People talk about why Black people feel the need to have events, avenues, and venues where they uplift, encourage, and support each other. We need them because you emasculate, criminalize, and marginalize our men all the while disrespecting, dehumanizing, and oversexualizing us.  Time and time again you tell the Black woman she is not pretty enough, smart enough, outgoing enough then demonize us for being strong and independent. Daily you tell us that how we were are naturally, is not professional and is unbecoming. All the while you manipulate your women into manipulating their bodies to look more like ours. You fear our fathers, our brothers, our husbands and our friends because of the insecurities within yourselves.

As I sit and watch promos for Black Girls Rock I am saddened because there is a GREAT need for the event EVERY year… Why? Because there is 13-year-old Black girl who was referred to as a slut by an Adult man and she is asking for forgiveness on his behalf. And this is the way of this world. I’m sorry little sister you are not to accommodate an adult’s ignorance, that my sister is not a child’s place.

I want to say so many more things about how being gracious has a time and place but honestly this isn’t about that. The fact is Mo’ne Davis shouldn’t have had to respond with a statement that said more than, “When I learned about the tweet I was offended. I wish people didn’t feel the need to say things like that. But I will continue to do the best that I can to the best version of myself.” So many times we tell people to take the high road. To me that was not the high road that was the walk over me road. I am not bashing her. However I do think that the adults in her life should have guided her better. In her address of the situation she states that she knows that people get tired of seeing her. She says that she knows he didn’t mean it. And that she knows he’s worked hard to get to where he was. She then goes on to state that because we all make mistakes, he should be reinstated on his Baseball team. Why are people tired of seeing her? Is it because she was an exceptional athlete that is female in a male dominated sport? And because of this, Disney may be considering to make a movie about her? Because of this, his mistake isn’t that bad? My dear sister Mo’ne, the life we lead as Black women is a hard and difficult road without being publicly being called out of your name for excelling. Do not lower your head, you have done nothing wrong. Do not make apologies for you have nothing to apologize for. As you grow older you will see that consequences are a part of life. And just like when you do not make the right decision there is a punishment, there should also be one for him. He has disrespected you not only as an athlete but also as a young woman. He not only determined that because you “got rocked in Nevada”  (**side note** I am assuming that meant that she lost, which apparently he never did) that you did not deserve to be depicted in a movie but he also slandered your character by calling you a slut. None of which you deserved. I honestly wish you did not have to experience this but I cannot apologize for his actions because I, like you, did nothing wrong here.

Taking in Janelle Monae’s Electric Lady while completely bare to the world.

-Imagoodgrl

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Keianna White has a question for all who are willing, is it dramatic, extra, or unrealistic for person 1 to want to go to places and do things with person 2 that person 2 has never done or gone with anyone else if they are dating, seeing each other, or “talking”?

This was my question to Facebook yesterday. I have been thinking about this for some time now. What can I say it’s been a long time coming. Is it reasonable to want to only experience things that the person you are interested in has never experienced with someone else?

I can understand the need to want to know that things are fresh and new. However how realistic is it? Truly how would you feel if someone told you regardless of the fact that these places mean something to you outside of your past relationships I don’t want to go there if you have been there with them. I don’t think it’s realistic, but I understand it at the same time. I wish I that I would be the first person to make footprints in the sand, but I won’t be. In the same way many of us will not be the first one to make a move on someone’s heart.

There is something about having a past that makes you human. However in the context of a relationship, however it is that you describe yours, there is something that makes it uncomfortable to know that there was someone before you. I don’t think that I am the only one that feels this way but as I often say, if it’s just me I understand. There is something about knowing or not knowing that one day when it was cold he gave her his coat to keep her warm, the way he does with you. There is something about knowing or not knowing one night when he had a rough day he put his head in her lap and she rubbed his head, the way she does with you.

When I asked this question to my Facebook friends the responses I received were that it’s not unrealistic but romantic, the thought of experiencing things with someone you care about that both of you have never experienced before. One of my friends stated that they had a clean slate so they are more optimistic about wanting to experience new things with the one that they would grow to care about. I agree with him, I am a bit pessimistic regarding this not because I don’t want to go out of my way to purposely not go places or do things that I once shared with someone else but because I feel that someone my take this as an unreasonable request. As I stated in the beginning, I understand if someone feels that way. I have been to places that I enjoy with people of my past but not because of them but rather because I enjoyed the places.

I’m sure it’s more of an insecurity thing within me that makes me not want to experience things that have been experienced by someone else, but it is what it is. The driving force behind all of this isn’t that I want more than whoever was before me but in the back of my mind I would wonder if she as deserving of whatever experience that we now mentally share as I am. Does a memory of that person resurrect when you have this experience with me?

I understand that when allowing one to love another you have to accept their past as something that happened before and has nothing to do with you. I understand that their past has gotten them to where they are, you. But stories of dinners, trips, and random goings on of time with the person past could be too much. And for those who feel it is too much, are they unrealistic to not want to encounter any of it? Does that make them insecure beyond repair?

We all have memories and stories of our past. Some that we enjoy so much that we want to share with anyone who is willing to listen, including the one whom which we have entrusted our hearts. Not being able to share these events or feelings can be a major road block in one’s relationship. Knowing of the past helps build up the future but knowing that you enjoyed time with someone else the way you enjoy time with me can be intimidating at best. Think about it this way, the thought of adventures with an ex allows us to know that the ex isn’t as crazy/psycho as we wanted to believe, which may make some feel like they are competing the past.  

I just wonder if I am the only one that is this insecure at times. I wonder if you got this request would you dismiss the person and their insecurities or would you enable them. Would you call it enabling or making them feel comfortable with your past? Should you have to make someone comfortable with your past? As I have said in other posts tonight I do not have the answers but all of the questions. Once again if it is just me, I understand. I’m a work in progress. We are still working on me.

Reflectivly taking in John Legend’s Everybody knows while damaged and bare.

“Keianna White has been thinking that before yesterday at 11 o’clock service, she has never felt like she was in the right place at the right time. Never has she been so overjoyed to experience an oppurtunity that she possibly would not have considered. And all she did was say yes… Imagine that.”

Throughout my life I have felt, at times, my life was just one string of random events after another. Particularly post high school, I have felt most things I had encountered had been random. Meeting people, going places, seeing things. All random. Now understand, I don’t completely remit all my role in the events but I feel some events were random but some premeditated.

So due to my at times abnormal feelings, I have felt as though I have  fallen off course and off-balance. When having conversations with people who have been strategically placed to uplift me, I was told that I am “exactly where [I am] supposed to be.” And every time I hear it, it chips away at the insecurity that I have built up through out my life.

Recently, I was selected to work beside my Pastor’s wife. When I was asked I really just said yea. I didn’t consider anything else. I felt like it was an honor to be selected. I really didn’t think about what exactly it would entail but I knew I would have the opportunity to learn and I was excited about that. I was selected to begin my rotation on May 2.

In general, I always forsee that things are different from how they appear. So I saw First Lady’s other adjutants and what they did but I also thought that there has to be more to what that they do that I didn’t see. So approaching my first day I began to get nervous because I didn’t know what quite to expect. Day 1. Few mistakes. Keep it moving.

While on the phone with my best friend I began to tell him about my feeling out-of-place, when he told me that I was in place that I was supposed to be in. He offered up several  examples to support his position. And instantly, tears filled my eyes because hearing that made for a very emotional moment.

On Sunday, I get up with all my enthusiasm with expectation for the day. I am awaiting service to begin when Pastor tells me that I did a good job the previous week and how I looked like I was  exactly where I was supposed to be. The progression of service evolves and Pastor begins to speak. I was sitting there next to First Lady thinking “I am so in the right place at the right time.” And it felt awesome.

The service continues and Pastor begins to lay hands on people. When he gets to the end of the line he turns to me and speaks into my life. I got home  and really digested the day and all that Pastor said. All I could think about was the fact that all I did was say yes. Yes to something I was selected to do. It just boggled my mind because I didn’t go out of my way to find this or to be seen. I just said yes.

I left service feeling more secure than I had in a very long time. I needed this. For those who are like me who just don’t see what people see in you. Those of us that it just hasn’t sunk in quite yet. Keep persevering. Those who like me, just need to say yes. Do it. It will change your life. I promise.

Listening to Shekinah Glory’s Yes, Hillsong’s Inside out, and Fred Hammond’s Awesome God while in chipped and cracked love letters.

An ex boyfriend of mine asked me, “What do you want?” I responded, “I want everything.” Then the line got quiet, he didn’t know how to respond. But I was serious and I knew that would be his response.  He really wasn’t serious about me. And I knew it.

I asked my 11year old sister what she wanted for christmas. She said she didn’t know. I asked her if there was anything that she felt like she needed. She told me she needed a Nintendo DS. I told her that she did not NEED a Nintendo DS.

All of that said I was thinking about the things we say we want vs what we think we need. Not only what we need and want but when and how we want them. I have been struggling with wanting what is for me only when it’s for me. Sometimes I see people doing things, going places, and taking advantage of opportunities I wish I had. And I have to pep talk myself out of the sadness because I would not want to mishandle anything that I want or need because I got it before I could handle or appreciate it. Everyday we see how people squander away what they want and need because they received it before they could really handle it. What they wanted or needed dies along with pieces of them. And that’s not what I want.

I have realized that this is not about being patient it’s about being content. Being content not until you get what you want but content enough with yourself that even if you never get what you want you don’t go into mild or severe depression. You have to know within yourself that you are made up of moments that you wish you could live over and over and moments you wish you never have live again.  And that what is meant for you is meant only for you and be stable and secure enough to wait on them. I have been doing some thinking about who I am and what I want. I have changed plans and changed plans and changed plans again. And many times I look around I see where I am and where I thought I would have been and at times it makes me upset.

I know that it may just be me but I see so much for myself and I so much left to accomplish. I know that I could have absolutely anything at anytime but at what cost? I may not have come to a great epiphany but I am at a calmness with what I have and what is yet to come. I know that I may not always feel this way but I know that when I think about this I will understand that my time will also come and I won’t have to be out-of-order to have any of it. So for those who may be feeling like you are behind or don’t have what you could have know that you may not be where you want to be but you are not where you could be either.

Optimistically taking in Keri Hilson’s Energy and Chrisette Michele’s Fragile with chipped and cracked shocking pink.

-Imagoodgrl

“When deciding to ‘fall’ in love with a married man make [sure] that it’s your own husband #howaboutthataliciakeys”

That was my twitter tweet early one morning after see that Alicia Keys and boyfriend/ fiancé (legally married producer Swiss Beats) made their first public appearance on a red carpet, after dating for over a year. I want to make this very clear: I am not attacking her celebrity status but her actions. I don’t have a vendetta against her and I don’t know her personally, but I can’t sit around and act like she’s not participating in a very lowdown situation…

In the news as of late, many women in the black entertainment community find themselves in relationships with men that are legally in relationships with other people. It doesn’t matter who it is or why they do it or even what the intentions of other party is, it’s not okay. That’s it. Today after I sent my best friend a copy of my twitter post which lead him to post a question on his facebook status.

                How many people support people having relationships with another person who is already married? Ok, how about being engaged to them? Hmmm so why do yall still support Alicia Keys??? Think about it…smh

The responses were frightening, people saying that you support them based on their talent not their lifestyle. My retort? You can’t support one without supporting the other. Through the back and forth I advised that it’s not something personal to Alicia Keys or Swiss Beats but the situation they were in, negating that they didn’t feel that her lifestyle warranted my removing my support from her.  My stance is this any consumer has the right, no, the responsibility to uphold their private beliefs. If you believe in something strongly you should stand up for it. They believed otherwise. I also offered that a consumer has the right to decide not to care, yet they offered the consumer should not be concerned.

My issues stretch beyond this instance it’s on the principle that marriage is to be respected and by engaging in extramarital activities it’s not respecting that marriage. I don’t understand it. I read an article on Bossip.com and Swiss Beats wife was saying that she believes that they (Alicia Keys and Swiss  Beats) deserve each other, stating “only a certain type of woman would sleep with a married man…” I was thinking about that. I don’t see it as anything other than a self-esteem issue. For someone to decide that they will knowingly participate in a relationship with a married person, it speaks volumes. By entering that relationship do you dismiss the fact that they left their covenant to entertain a relationship without legally leaving that covenant? Does the fact that they are with you ease the silent fears that say they could leave you in the middle of the night and never return?  Or do you sleep with one eye open and your heart out of harms reach?

Another issue I have is the media’s portrayal of the situation… Because on these gossip sites and in the magazines they will  go hard on Fantasia about being in a relationship with a married man, yet comment on how cute a couple Alicia Keys and Swiss Beats are. Tiger Wood’s name is less than trash after he commits affairs and his jumpoffs1, not his wife, are the victims. The blogs are buzzing with these comments from these idiots saying that the spouses of these people deserve to be cheated on because they knew the industry that their spouses are in. Yet, if many of these commentators were in the position that these people are in it would be a different story. These commentators say that this is the direct result of not knowing their spouse yet in these particular cases they did not wed their spouses on a drunken night in Vegas. These people had relationships that they emerged themselves in and were rewarded for their commitment with infidelity, is this what people deserve? Does a wife deserve to go into a supermarket and see on the racks the cover of a gossip magazine that her A-List athlete husband is cheating on her with numerous women? Does a husband deserve to go into a barbershop to find that his wife is the woman the guy in the chair next to him is having sex with? Why does the fact that these people are celebrities versus ordinary people affect how affairs are viewed?

And I don’t know maybe I live in a fictional reality. One that tells me that when I decide to commit to someone I should not have to share them with anyone else. Believing that our space should not be infiltrated by another or that I don’t have to subject myself to a tainted space. Maybe I’m peculiar or particular and believe I can’t compromise my heart for a half-hearted relationship. I love myself too much to settle for less than all of someone’s heart. I would never cross someone else’s marriage and there would be hell to pay if someone tried to cross mine.

A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she’s in hot water.

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

With clarity taking in Lyfe Jennings Let’s Stay Together and Destiny’s Child Soldier in cherry red.

-Imagoodgirl

1Jumpoff-  aka Sidepiece – can refer to a man/woman or mistress you have sex with on the side of your regular.

 My life brings some interesting things. I am a work in progress… That used to be my prayer… Lord allow me to continue be a work in progress… I guess I say was but it is still I have not reached the point in my life where I could stop progressing. I think about this because I have been able to see the progression in my life between what is and what was. 

 Few months ago, I cut all communication with my ex but months earlier to that I ended the relationship. The reason I ended all communication with him was because I was moving on with my life and I didn’t see him as a part of my forward moment. So imagine my surprise when I get a message on Facebook from the ex that I excommunicated a few weeks ago. In all honestly I was caught off guard but I thought it was little comical that I received a message from him telling me that he was sorry he had gone so long without being in contact with me when I told him I no longer wished to have communication with him. In response I told him that I still did not want any contact with him. I decided to respond to the message because I thought that not responding to the message would subliminally imply that I was trying to avoid him. He responded to my message pleading for me to reconsider and not to hate him. I responded to him letting him know that I do not hate him but I am over it. 

 That is what has brought me to the blog today. How do you know when you are truly over someone? Some would argue that it is once you are met with that person or remnants of that person and you don’t feel anything. To that I would like to point out that feeling are typically fleeting. Some could argue it is once you don’t think about them any longer. To that I ask, if you are in love with someone but you have a busy life and you haven’t thought about them for a little time does that mean you are over them? How would I answer? I believe you are truly over someone when you don’t need to overly try to connect the dots. 

 How could have I overly tried to connect the dots? I could have told him that I had moved on and what my life is about now. I could have told him that I am happy in my life. I could have said that I am in love with someone who offers all the things that he couldn’t. I could have said that I have never felt this way in my life. My problem with all of this is that if ever someone needs to do all of this it’s because they feel some kind of way. There is a song by Latoya Luckett named Regret and in this song she is telling an ex that he must regret the day that he left her. She goes through all of things that he doesn’t have because he left her. Ludacris is featured on the song and he is telling Latoya all the things to tell her ex about how much better he is than her ex. When I first heard this song I was thinking about how much she must miss this dude. To go through all the trouble to say all the things he misses out on and then her “new dude” to go over state the obvious, well obvious if she had move on. 

 When I was a freshman in high school there was a girl who I had “beef” with, her name was Crystal. Now this “beef” stemmed over a guy apparently, well so I was told. All I knew was at some point I was talking to this guy on the basketball team and somewhere between us talking and him asking me out he got with Crystal. I was cool on him at that point. Well Crystal and I had a class together. She comes to me one day and tells me that she didn’t know that he was talking to me. None of that was a big deal. Okay he liked her more than me; I was a big girl about it. Over time Crystal began to get short with me. She was out of nowhere giving me advice to “get guys”. I guess because I wasn’t too receptive of her “advice” she took it as I was jealous of her and her two-minute relationship with the guy I was once talking to. Fast forward the story escalates to her telling her senior cousin to that cousin trying to talk to me to her cousin idol threats to her going on home study because she “felt threatened by me”. I was upset because in this whole “beef” I was never threatening toward her or anyone else she tried to have “step” to me…  I was most upset with the fact that through the school people would ask me why I disliked her so much over a guy. So they believed I ran her out of school because I was jealous. Now the thing is this story was false because if she actually felt she was in danger our school would have been if that were the case…. Well after that I had a hatred for her because she had portrayed me as someone I was not. Well about 3 years later I saw her in a store and I was not upset with her. I did not try to prove myself. I spoke to her and went about my day. I could have told her all the things that I wanted to tell her when I was younger person but it would not have mattered at that point. 

 All that said to say that moving on doesn’t have a timeframe but it does have signs. I know that when I am over something it not only cause me to act a certain way but I don’t think a certain way. I have grown up so much more than people may know. I am excited about the progress that God has allowed me to make. I am far from a finish product but I am all about my forward progress… We will move forward in 2010. 

 Alluringly taking in Tamia’s Can’t No Man while being a flirt. 

 -Imagoodgrl

To whom it may concern:

I know just as well as anyone else what it feels like to be in love and what it feels like to want to have someone in your life to love. I have been alarmed with the things that I have bear witness to; People who have put milestones aside to feed into their desires to be needed.

In the past year or so I have had friends have drastic and heart wrenching halts to engagements, deterioration of long term relationships, relationships ended due to dormant lies, and friends entering relationships of doom and confusion. 

I am concerned and a little bit aggravated with the happenings of those close to me. Friends, family, and readers, reality is reality and life is not a dream. I don’t want to sound like a pessimist while those close to me know that I am in a very happy place in my life. But the reality is this: many of us want so much from life and a mate that sometimes we consider settling. We find ourselves feeling like no one would understand our baggage, hang-ups, faults, quirks, damages and when someone does we get comfortable there. We overlook or make excuses for things that we’ve always disliked or saw as downfalls because they seemingly aren’t bothered by our “stuff”, so we take theirs. As someone who dealt with a lot of “stuff” I have learned that it you end up hating the fact that you dealt with so much for so long.

 Why is it that when we have a new love our lives dramatically change? When did I realize that love had changed my life? When my 2000+ rollover minutes turned into 70 minutes. For almost a year I didn’t use my anytime minutes but when I really started to get know this guy we talked more and I literally had to change my network to something that “allowed me to talk to [him] longer” to avoid a high bill. My ultimate question is how much is too much? When does a simple request turn into a demand? When are you too isolated? When have you lost everything and gained nothing?

 I’m not saying that I have any of the answers. Tonight I just have a lot of questions. I have seen friends of mine have their lives shattered by their relationships. I can’t lie it makes me tread a little softer. I won’t say it can’t happen to me… But I do have faith in myself enough to be able to see the sign before it is too late. I have been thinking about something that someone told me not too long ago, they said, “it’s impossible to be have a successful career and have a stable happy family.” This woman, who had 3 grown children and a husband to whom she had been married for many years, was telling me that I could not have a successful career and family. I refused to believe that it had to be that way. I am reaffirmed in my belief that you can have both a successful family and career without settling. I have reconnected with two women, who through my high school years spoke so much life into me, who did well for themselves and now have beautiful families. Through all they taught me in my high school years I can only believe that they did not cave to the pressures and time schedules put upon them by society. I can by no means say that they have had it easy nor can I say that they have all that they want but I can say when you do not settle you get your reward.

With love

-Imagoodgrl

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