So recently I have been going through a really rough time. It’s amazing how one event can change your life status. I am hurting not beyond repair but definately beyond belief. I am not going into detail about the circumstances about why I feel this way and I appreciate in advance for you not contacting me to ask me what is wrong.

Normally I don’t have a need to explain my title but tonight I will. I generally can take something benefical from anything. In this case it is Danity Kane’s Damaged. Ever since I heard the song I always felt as though it was a communication with God. Now I just want to say I do not think that this song is a gospel song.  I just did I just see it this way. As weird as you make think it is I just got that.  The part that really made me feel this way says “Can you fix my  h-e-a-r-t Cause it’s d-a-m-a-g-e-d Tell me are you up for the challenge… My heart is damaged damaged damaged.” I just always thought that. And now that I feel that my heart and prespective of the world are damaged those words speak to me.

Certain places are supposed to be solace and not battlegrounds but in life the tides often turn. I just don’t think anyone can understand how I feel about the events of the recent past. I normally am not emotional person. I will tell anyone that I have emotions but I am not emotional. Today I have been feel very emotional and conflicted. Through life we hold certain titles and I have picked up one that I never thought I would.

Physically my heart hurts. I probably could use a hug but I need to reject them right now. I can’t explain, that is how I feel right now. I know that if I needed an ear someone would lend theirs but right now I can’t have outside influence or opinion.

However since this situation I have decided not to settle. Period. I can’t. I want only what is for me and I will have that. I have plans and goals. This will not stop me.I know that I can’t not take a break from life. There are more important things than me in this moment right now. This will not be the death of me or my spirit. I believe in the “grace that restores visions and dreams/ grace that releases mircles.” I’M A SURVIVOR I WIN! Thank you. You know who you are I needed that. I know it maybe a little bothersome not to know the situation, but I hold good on my promises and I said I would let you in and I will.

Painfully yet optmistically drinking in Byron Cage’s I need you now while damaged and bare.