Sunday night, I cried some of the hardest most painful tears I’ve ever cried. I found out that one of the closest friends that I have died. And not just that she died but that she’s been dead for little over a month. The only word that describes how I feel right now is devastated. Defination. Devastate: to cause (someone) severe and overwhelming shock or grief. It just fits so right. I. Am. Devastated.

This isn’t the first time that I have spent crying lately. Last month my parents and youngest sister came to visit. If you didn’t know my parents live in California and I live in Maryland. I have lived here for 5 years. I have been married for 3. And the truth is while I have a good life here, probably better than I could have at home, I miss my family every single day. Holidays that were considered small mean so much when you’re away from the people you want to be with. Mother’s day, Father’s day, and all of the Kobe dates, I long for my family and I get emotional. As I dropped off my family at the airport I burst in to tears, hugging them while sobbing out “I just miss you guys so much. ” For the days following I would randomly burst into tears just thinking about how they are so far away.

Once in conversation with my husband, I told him that I always have an underlying feeling of sadness because I miss my family. I always feel bad. Last year our family have some ups and downs. My baby sister went to prom and graduation, on both of those days I felt terrible that I couldn’t be there. When there was good news, I was so happy but also filled with sadness that I’m so far away that I can’t experience this first hand. When there was bad news, I was sad about the situation but guilty that I can’t be there to provide comfort. Good times or bad, I feel guilty not because of anything anyone in my family says or does, I just want them to I didn’t leave just to get away from them. A while there was a disagreement within a friend group of mine and things got very heated. If I’m honest part of my anger was because I feel judged by people who live close to their family. I feel like other people think that if you choose to move away from your family, voluntarily, then that means your family is not that important to you. And for me that’s not the case. So I while I don’t think these things about people, I feel like I’m fighting that “stigma” that no one has really put on me.

I know that there are lots of people who do not live near their families, but it feels like I’m the only one that feels so strongly about being away for their family. Maybe I’m not but no one, at least anyone I know or know of, talks about it. I think about it all of the time. So when I met a girl who’s from New York how moves to Baltimore, I just knew she got it. Even though we never spoke about it. This is might to sound weird or odd or whatever, but Janessa was the only friend that I have that was not connected in any way to my husband. I know to some that sounds crazy but it is true. Some of my friends are friends of his or their significant others. The other friends, I have are from work and even if I met them first, because my husband and I work for the same company, in the same department, and on the same floor, my coworker friends go from mine to ours. I am really odd when it comes to making friends. It makes me nervous and I always think that I’m bothering people. But I met Janessa when we worked at Macy’s and we were instant friends. And when I find a good friend, I stay close. But when the communication is slow or nonexistent, I often think that someone is either tired of me or mad at me.

About a week ago I texted Janessa asking what she was doing for her birthday, it was kind of last minute because normally the plan would have already been set. The next day I realized that I hadn’t got a response back from her which is not uncommon for us, we’re self proclaimed “shitty texters”. So I send her the lurky emoji eyes. No response for days. Is she mad at me? I told you were my mind goes. I check snap, she is always on snap, but since the update I can’t remember if I’ve seen her on there; I hadn’t. I haven’t seen anything posted on Facebook in a little while. So I check Facebook. Immediately I see a post from someone saying they miss her and they can’t believe it’s been a month already. Did she move? I know she moved apartments but she didn’t move to New York without telling me? I know we weren’t that out of touch. More messages. ” I can’t believe you’re really gone.” WHAT? *keeps scrolling* What happened!?!?!?! *keeps scrolling* My hands are literally shaking. What Happened!?!?! Then I see the memorial post. The services were held on February 17, 2018 in New York. And I just found out.

I feel guilty. How did one of my closest friends die and I not know for a month? Where you guys even that close? If you were, you would have known.  That is what has been running around in my head. It makes me cry. I am devastated. We were close and the fact that I found out so late is not a sign of a broken relationship. And I know it. Since we generally would only spend one on one time and had only met a few coworkers or family members, there wasn’t anyone who would have known to reach out to me. And it doesn’t matter  if I had spoken to her the day, week, or month before, everything would have likely turn out the same. Outside of the lack of snaps, we weren’t out of touch for us. The fact that I recently found out has been playing with my mind, not just because of this but how I relate to friendships in general. I know she was my friend, one of my best. She went with me to my wedding dress fittings, helped me with my wedding registry, and when I lived in Cockeysville and her in Towson she’d stay over all the time. I put her on to Ikea. Tuesday night movies for $6 in Towson. We went to see Girls Trip and while talking about how some people don’t go out without their partners, she told me she used me as an example. Essentially saying that as long as we, Janessa and I, had been together as friends I was with my husband and that he, my husband, had no intentions of coming with us to see Girls Trip or breaking us, Janessa and I, up. I laughed but it was so true.

Emotions aside I know what we were to each other. Regardless of what swirls through my head. Did she know I loved her? Did she know how important she was to me? Yes. Without a doubt I know she knew. Though I can’t recall ever saying those words, I know she knew. I send her a text last year and it read

So I’m watching Basketball Wives, seeing Evelyn call Shaunie to give her that IVF shot she needed… and it made me think about how if I needed that kind of help that I feel like I could call you… and that means a lot to me… I really appreciate our friendship not to be too mushy I’m glad that where my friends are concerned I have quality over quantity.

 And she responded
Aww… I would totally come do it for you!!! I appreciate our friendship as well… Love you girl!!!
I know it was real. I want for this to not be real. I miss her soooo much. We always think about how we plan out our lives with our significant others or potential significant others but we plan our future lives with our friends too. We talk about future birthdays, a houses, baby showers, etc. To lose a friend, I don’t wish it on anyone. It hurts too much.
If I’m honest, I have no idea if this is any good. I’m in so much pain. But Today is Janessa’s birthday and I knew I need this to be up today. For her. I love you. I miss you. This is shitty.


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Attitude- Leikeli47



Has 4:44 given everyone the motivation to get back out there with the pen? I can’t say for sure. My friend told me she wasn’t giving any “free quotes” and that her opinion would be on her blog and that mine should be on mine as well. So… here I am.

Before getting into my “review”, I want to advise I have only listened to the album in its entirety twice. I have listened to tracks 1-7 about 4 or 5 times. I have done a lot of my listening in route to somewhere and by the time I arrive I gotten to track 6 or so. I do what I need to do. Then get back in the car and ultimately start over. I have also only listened to the album in one sitting, once. With few exceptions, listening to this was the only thing I did today. And still I know I didn’t get everything. Having the lyrics to all of the songs would make everything easier but I just haven’t broke down to read them yet. I want to feel 4:44 first.

I, a Proud Tidal Subscriber, was not a part of the anxiously awaiting 4:44 crew. I was definitely a part of the “I will get to it when I get to it” crew. And when did I “get to it”? Around 10am EST. In the urgent care room with my husband, don’t worry he’s fine, nodding along to the greatness. And when something was particularly nice, I would make this sound that my husband described as the sound someone would make when “alcohol is be poured on a cut.”

After seeing lots of people talk about “The Story of OJ” my husband tells me he’s going to listen to the song. “No, listen to it in the way it’s presented. Top to Bottom. It’s the second track on the album,” I say. In a dragging his feet kind of way, he says “okay.” After Lemonade, its been really important for me to listen to an album first from top to bottom. Then when A Seat at the Table came out it reinforced why it is important to listen to an album top to bottom for the first listen. I assume if you are with me here you have heard 4:44 but if not listen to it in speakers not a headset. I literally missed things in my headset that I caught in the speakers of the car. And do not proceed because spoilers. Is there a such thing as music spoilers? I digress.

I enjoyed the album in its entirety. Period. Point Blank. It’s a very mature piece of work. It’s made for a mature mind. Also it was made to plant a seed for the future. Jay-Z has officially turned into Uncle Jay, Unc if you will, with 4:44. He’s giving you advice that if you heed it today, your life will be easier tomorrow. He’s telling you about mistakes that he’s made so you don’t have to make them. If you were looking for a club banger this isn’t your album. And that’s okay. Uncle Jay is almost 50 years old and a lot of people aren’t going to the club at that age, unless they are getting paid. This a grown folks album. For those of us with responsibilities. Its perfect.

I have one major question. WHEN DID HE WRITE THIS?  There is the Moonlight/ LaLa Land reference. Al Sharpton and Bill Cosby references, that was literally last week! When did you write this Uncle Jay?

Uncle Jay is a lyricist, we know this. But come on! Unc, you out did yourself with this one. Just jewels on jewels on jewels.

Favorite songs-

3. The Story of OJ – This is one of the times I thought when did he write this. It seemed topical. My first thoughts, “Is the hook a reference to the Bill Maher controversy?” Black people nowadays don’t make many references to house and field niggas outside of slavery, so it definitely felt like it was. The financial wisdom that he drops. He passed on the opportunity to get property for $2 mil and now that spot is worth $20mil! “Dumbo.” Knowing what to do with what you have and when. He explains the value of Art and Tidal. This is the wisdom.

2. 4:4 – An apology for being ain’t shit???? Not just to his wife but to women he’s hurt in general! Also specifically to his wife! I loved it! Loved it!

1. Family Feud- “And old niggas y’all stop actin’ brand new/ Like 2 Pac didn’t have a nose ring too.” I guess because since he’s been on the internets talking about such things, the first person I thought of was Joe Budden. While I do not know any Lil’ Yachty songs, I actually had to google how to spell his name correctly, I do know that he’s just out here trying to put out music. Like it or not. Uncle Jay saying leave them alone is what’s needed. If he’s the GOAT in so many eyes and he’s saying back down. Back down! Don’t Go Joe Budden. “A man that don’t take care of his family can’t be rich.” Church! “Al Sharpton in the mirror taking selfies/ How is him or Bill Cosby supposed to help me?” Those guys are old think. The times have changed and they don’t get it. Our help can’t come from people like them anymore. They did what they did. Now we do what we do. “We all lose when the family feuds” “I be damned if I drink some Belvedere while Puff got Ciroc.” I was making my sound ALL through this song! I love it! Then Uncle Jay is promoting another Black Business on his album!

Honorable mention- Legacy. Period. Uncle Jay reinforcing why generational wealth is necessary.

Samples. Where all of the songs samples? When something works, you work it. Uncle Jay has worked with many producers who have sampled songs but I felt like the samples this time around were more intentional than by happenstance. Example, “Izzo” off of The Blueprint uses a sample of Jackson Five’s “I want you back” it’s a distant background to the song. But Nina Simone’s “Four Women” was an additional layer to “The Story of OJ.” There was a clear vision and the samples proved that. Nina Simone, Stevie Wonder, The Clark Sisters, The Fugees, and MORE.

Because its 2017, the internet streets are always talking and buzzing. I came across some interesting takes and ideas. One friend asked, “Did [Uncle Jay] take the Grammy from Kendrick?” This same friend said ” 4:44= Lemonade for Men.” While I’m not a man, I disagree a little. Lemonade was about love; of, for, and from your Significant other, your father,  and for you people. 4:44 is a life guide.

Charlamagne the God tweeted, “The reason you don’t have Jay-Z new album is because you don’t support Black Businesses.” I have been a Tidal Subscriber for over a year now. I enjoy the playlist they put together and a lot what I listen to is there. I never thought about it as supporting a Black Business. I did think of it as supporting artists though. Things that make you go hmmm.

I appreciate this album. It is substantive. It was cohesive. And clearly very well thought out. Which is literally not saying anything given who we’re talking about.


Tuesday, November 8, 2016. The night my sleep was elusive. Why? Because I could feel the hope draining from my life. It was about 4 or 5 O’ Clock in the evening (EST) on the 8th, I was listening to live coverage on CNN. Before any of the results were in, they were talking about exit polls and the expectancy of that night’s winner, Hillary Clinton. While conversing, someone on the panel mentioned the concept of the “hidden vote.” Hidden vote? People who would come out in support of Drumpf¹ who had publicly pledged support to Clinton. They discussed how there had never been any real proof to a “hidden vote.”

And like a ton of bricks it hit me. Drumpf is going to win tonight. What made me think that? White people hate being called racist. But they love to do racist things. In essence its the belief that, “I agree with the things that Donald Drumpf is saying but I know that people will think I’m a bad person for that. So I won’t tell anyone that I agree because I don’t want to be called a racist.”

I go home and try to get through my night. I have never checked election results so much. It was terrible. Just as I suspected the tables were turning towards Drumpf. I tried to take my mind off the elections that were tormenting me. I tried to watch funny shows and movies. Nothing. I checked the results one last time. Ugh! Go to sleep and hope for the best. I slept a terrible feather light sleep that night.

It is Wednesday. Awaken by my Husband’s exit on his way to work. I check the results. Drumpf. It was like a punch to the gut. Though my normal waking hour is hours away, I can’t go back to sleep. I write a new Facebook status, ” Hug Someone. Someone Hug me.” I get a call from my husband. “How are you feeling?” he says. While crying painful tears I respond, ” I feel personally attacked.” Validating my feelings he says ” because it is a personal attack.”

Gather myself together. I get on the commuter train, then to the metro rail. Looking at every person with disdain in my heart thinking, “Was it you? Its your fault.” Get to work to see a few people avoiding eye contact, which to me was an admission of guilt. That day EVERYTHING meant something. I was hurting. The visions for my future seemed further away. What was most hurtful was the hostility that I felt for the people who I felt “did this to me.” I didn’t like that feeling. I don’t like that feeling.

As we have drew nearer and nearer to this day. The day before the inauguration of Donald J. Drumpf. I am overly unhappy with the turn of events. Enter ABC’s Blackish. They put together the most amazing episode about the aftermath of the Drumpf election. It helped to voice my feelings and smooth the wrinkles in my heart that made me think everything would not be okay overall.

Some 8 years ago I sat down to the write My Life through the Eyes I was Given with great wisdom and hope for the life and the Presidency to come. While the current President and Administration has not been perfect, there has been great progress. The world is different now. That is virtually undeniable. More now than ever we have to be and make the change we want to see. I am more hopeful than I have ever been since November 8th. I stand firm on my convictions after 44 and until 46, the only president I acknowledge is President Tom Kirkman on Designated Survivor, because Drumpf is not my President.  

Thank you President Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Mrs. Jill Biden, and both of your families, you all were better than we deserved.

I’m bare with reflection because… My President is Black  by Jeezy and Jayz.


¹ Drumpf is the surname of Donald Trump’s family. The name was changed by his grandfather to better assimilate to the United States. You can see John Oliver speak of Donald’s long lost surname here.

Keianna White has a question for all who are willing, is it dramatic, extra, or unrealistic for person 1 to want to go to places and do things with person 2 that person 2 has never done or gone with anyone else if they are dating, seeing each other, or “talking”?

This was my question to Facebook yesterday. I have been thinking about this for some time now. What can I say it’s been a long time coming. Is it reasonable to want to only experience things that the person you are interested in has never experienced with someone else?

I can understand the need to want to know that things are fresh and new. However how realistic is it? Truly how would you feel if someone told you regardless of the fact that these places mean something to you outside of your past relationships I don’t want to go there if you have been there with them. I don’t think it’s realistic, but I understand it at the same time. I wish I that I would be the first person to make footprints in the sand, but I won’t be. In the same way many of us will not be the first one to make a move on someone’s heart.

There is something about having a past that makes you human. However in the context of a relationship, however it is that you describe yours, there is something that makes it uncomfortable to know that there was someone before you. I don’t think that I am the only one that feels this way but as I often say, if it’s just me I understand. There is something about knowing or not knowing that one day when it was cold he gave her his coat to keep her warm, the way he does with you. There is something about knowing or not knowing one night when he had a rough day he put his head in her lap and she rubbed his head, the way she does with you.

When I asked this question to my Facebook friends the responses I received were that it’s not unrealistic but romantic, the thought of experiencing things with someone you care about that both of you have never experienced before. One of my friends stated that they had a clean slate so they are more optimistic about wanting to experience new things with the one that they would grow to care about. I agree with him, I am a bit pessimistic regarding this not because I don’t want to go out of my way to purposely not go places or do things that I once shared with someone else but because I feel that someone my take this as an unreasonable request. As I stated in the beginning, I understand if someone feels that way. I have been to places that I enjoy with people of my past but not because of them but rather because I enjoyed the places.

I’m sure it’s more of an insecurity thing within me that makes me not want to experience things that have been experienced by someone else, but it is what it is. The driving force behind all of this isn’t that I want more than whoever was before me but in the back of my mind I would wonder if she as deserving of whatever experience that we now mentally share as I am. Does a memory of that person resurrect when you have this experience with me?

I understand that when allowing one to love another you have to accept their past as something that happened before and has nothing to do with you. I understand that their past has gotten them to where they are, you. But stories of dinners, trips, and random goings on of time with the person past could be too much. And for those who feel it is too much, are they unrealistic to not want to encounter any of it? Does that make them insecure beyond repair?

We all have memories and stories of our past. Some that we enjoy so much that we want to share with anyone who is willing to listen, including the one whom which we have entrusted our hearts. Not being able to share these events or feelings can be a major road block in one’s relationship. Knowing of the past helps build up the future but knowing that you enjoyed time with someone else the way you enjoy time with me can be intimidating at best. Think about it this way, the thought of adventures with an ex allows us to know that the ex isn’t as crazy/psycho as we wanted to believe, which may make some feel like they are competing the past.  

I just wonder if I am the only one that is this insecure at times. I wonder if you got this request would you dismiss the person and their insecurities or would you enable them. Would you call it enabling or making them feel comfortable with your past? Should you have to make someone comfortable with your past? As I have said in other posts tonight I do not have the answers but all of the questions. Once again if it is just me, I understand. I’m a work in progress. We are still working on me.

Reflectivly taking in John Legend’s Everybody knows while damaged and bare.

“Keianna White has been thinking that before yesterday at 11 o’clock service, she has never felt like she was in the right place at the right time. Never has she been so overjoyed to experience an oppurtunity that she possibly would not have considered. And all she did was say yes… Imagine that.”

Throughout my life I have felt, at times, my life was just one string of random events after another. Particularly post high school, I have felt most things I had encountered had been random. Meeting people, going places, seeing things. All random. Now understand, I don’t completely remit all my role in the events but I feel some events were random but some premeditated.

So due to my at times abnormal feelings, I have felt as though I have  fallen off course and off-balance. When having conversations with people who have been strategically placed to uplift me, I was told that I am “exactly where [I am] supposed to be.” And every time I hear it, it chips away at the insecurity that I have built up through out my life.

Recently, I was selected to work beside my Pastor’s wife. When I was asked I really just said yea. I didn’t consider anything else. I felt like it was an honor to be selected. I really didn’t think about what exactly it would entail but I knew I would have the opportunity to learn and I was excited about that. I was selected to begin my rotation on May 2.

In general, I always forsee that things are different from how they appear. So I saw First Lady’s other adjutants and what they did but I also thought that there has to be more to what that they do that I didn’t see. So approaching my first day I began to get nervous because I didn’t know what quite to expect. Day 1. Few mistakes. Keep it moving.

While on the phone with my best friend I began to tell him about my feeling out-of-place, when he told me that I was in place that I was supposed to be in. He offered up several  examples to support his position. And instantly, tears filled my eyes because hearing that made for a very emotional moment.

On Sunday, I get up with all my enthusiasm with expectation for the day. I am awaiting service to begin when Pastor tells me that I did a good job the previous week and how I looked like I was  exactly where I was supposed to be. The progression of service evolves and Pastor begins to speak. I was sitting there next to First Lady thinking “I am so in the right place at the right time.” And it felt awesome.

The service continues and Pastor begins to lay hands on people. When he gets to the end of the line he turns to me and speaks into my life. I got home  and really digested the day and all that Pastor said. All I could think about was the fact that all I did was say yes. Yes to something I was selected to do. It just boggled my mind because I didn’t go out of my way to find this or to be seen. I just said yes.

I left service feeling more secure than I had in a very long time. I needed this. For those who are like me who just don’t see what people see in you. Those of us that it just hasn’t sunk in quite yet. Keep persevering. Those who like me, just need to say yes. Do it. It will change your life. I promise.

Listening to Shekinah Glory’s Yes, Hillsong’s Inside out, and Fred Hammond’s Awesome God while in chipped and cracked love letters.

To whom it may concern:

I know just as well as anyone else what it feels like to be in love and what it feels like to want to have someone in your life to love. I have been alarmed with the things that I have bear witness to; People who have put milestones aside to feed into their desires to be needed.

In the past year or so I have had friends have drastic and heart wrenching halts to engagements, deterioration of long term relationships, relationships ended due to dormant lies, and friends entering relationships of doom and confusion. 

I am concerned and a little bit aggravated with the happenings of those close to me. Friends, family, and readers, reality is reality and life is not a dream. I don’t want to sound like a pessimist while those close to me know that I am in a very happy place in my life. But the reality is this: many of us want so much from life and a mate that sometimes we consider settling. We find ourselves feeling like no one would understand our baggage, hang-ups, faults, quirks, damages and when someone does we get comfortable there. We overlook or make excuses for things that we’ve always disliked or saw as downfalls because they seemingly aren’t bothered by our “stuff”, so we take theirs. As someone who dealt with a lot of “stuff” I have learned that it you end up hating the fact that you dealt with so much for so long.

 Why is it that when we have a new love our lives dramatically change? When did I realize that love had changed my life? When my 2000+ rollover minutes turned into 70 minutes. For almost a year I didn’t use my anytime minutes but when I really started to get know this guy we talked more and I literally had to change my network to something that “allowed me to talk to [him] longer” to avoid a high bill. My ultimate question is how much is too much? When does a simple request turn into a demand? When are you too isolated? When have you lost everything and gained nothing?

 I’m not saying that I have any of the answers. Tonight I just have a lot of questions. I have seen friends of mine have their lives shattered by their relationships. I can’t lie it makes me tread a little softer. I won’t say it can’t happen to me… But I do have faith in myself enough to be able to see the sign before it is too late. I have been thinking about something that someone told me not too long ago, they said, “it’s impossible to be have a successful career and have a stable happy family.” This woman, who had 3 grown children and a husband to whom she had been married for many years, was telling me that I could not have a successful career and family. I refused to believe that it had to be that way. I am reaffirmed in my belief that you can have both a successful family and career without settling. I have reconnected with two women, who through my high school years spoke so much life into me, who did well for themselves and now have beautiful families. Through all they taught me in my high school years I can only believe that they did not cave to the pressures and time schedules put upon them by society. I can by no means say that they have had it easy nor can I say that they have all that they want but I can say when you do not settle you get your reward.

With love


Reposted from July 12, 2009; in the Transfer from to this posting was lost. So here it is for your reading pleasure.

On Facebook there is a place when it states ones relationship status: single, open, in a relationship, engaged, married, widowed, and it’s complicated. Day after day I see friends and aquaintances who have stated that their relationship is complicated. I assume the point of the it’s complicated relationship status is that you’re kinda in limbo between an defined relationship and and open one or that someone is deciding whether or not that relationship is where they want to be. My question at that point is: Isn’t life itself complicated? And if you agree, who or what is making yours more complicated?

So I have two friends who have rather complicated situations within their complicated lifes. One is a live-in girlfriend to a man with three children by another woman. The other is a live-in girlfriend to a guy who lives at home with his parents. So as you can see these are complicated situations. While at lunch both friends and myself were talking about the requests one makes of the man in their life and what one actually gets in return. A male friend joins the conversation at which time he tells us that “you choose your emotions.” Basically saying you feel a certain way because you choose to. And in response we were on his head immediately. Why? Because in essence you can not choose your emotions.  One of the female friends states, “So if Paul cheated on me. I’m supposed be like Paul just cheated on me. But I’m going home to make dinner and get ready for him because I choose to be happy?” He then responds, “You choose to deal with or not. And also if you deal with it how?” Which makes sense but that wasn’t his orginal point.

I have recently began to feel that being emotional can complicate a situation. I believe when your emotions override you ability to communicate or logically assess the situation you can’t get your point across. Being emotional can change your ability to decide between what you know and what you feel. I guess I always try to logically assess situations because truthfully the wrong move could kill you. The problem with being more logical than emotional is when your emotions defy all logic you don’t know how to react. When what you feel begins to infiltrate what you know, you are forced to either fight your emotions to stay logically or ride with your emotions. The reason that is so hard for me is because I just forsee my emotions leading into the woods at night without a flashlight by myself. You may think that I’m dramatic but this is how I feel. I can only speak for myself but the reason I keep my emotions barried is because what if you can’t handle how I would feel about a certain situation, but all in the same when my emotions break past my logic I concede. So would you then say my emotional status would say It’s complicated?

So one of my friends moved on emotion and, in her eyes, love. She was maintaining this long distant relationship and one weekend goes to visit her boyfriend and when it was time for her to return home she decided not to; she moved in with his family. She says that the pain from leaving him and being without him for a long period time hurt too much to go home. Anyone who has been in a long distance relationship or in a relationship with someone you couldn’t see a lot understands that pain that she’s referring to.  I then remembered how much hurts to know that the person you are in a relationship with is going to be out of physical reach for a while and I realize I could never have made that decision. I’m just too logical.  Now as a result of her knee jerk decision her life is really hard. The decisions that they have made since have made their life together increasingily harder. At times it makes their life status read It’s complicated.

It was funny while at in discussion with both friends the one with the boyfriend with children said that “If it happens for you, you will fall in love and move in together, and live happily ever after.” My  other friend and I look at each other and kind of chuckle, “It will definately play out different.” The difference is that I have learned a little bit in my time; I realized your life is most complicated when you settle. It really is. When you go against what you know is right or what you desereve you end up just dealing with everything as a result of a decision .  It’s in the Musiq The Questions

What’ll happen if i settle and just go along with what I have
Cause there’s a difference between good and great
And good wasn’t built to last

So today I ask no urge you to look within yourself and your life to see where you find life is most complicated and find the source of it. Once the source has been found do one of two things resolve it or remember it. Resolve it meaning see if there is anyway to make it no longer complicated and do that. Uncomplicating a situation is not always easy but is always necessary. Remember it meaning don’t make the same faulty decision later. The problem with it’s complicated situations is once they have been either resolved we tend to forget them and when another possible it’s complicated situation is brewing we don’t remember what it took to resolve, demolish, or escape the last one. Live and learn.

Reflectivily drinking Pharrel’s Frontin’ while in some like it hot.