An ex boyfriend of mine asked me, “What do you want?” I responded, “I want everything.” Then the line got quiet, he didn’t know how to respond. But I was serious and I knew that would be his response.  He really wasn’t serious about me. And I knew it.

I asked my 11year old sister what she wanted for christmas. She said she didn’t know. I asked her if there was anything that she felt like she needed. She told me she needed a Nintendo DS. I told her that she did not NEED a Nintendo DS.

All of that said I was thinking about the things we say we want vs what we think we need. Not only what we need and want but when and how we want them. I have been struggling with wanting what is for me only when it’s for me. Sometimes I see people doing things, going places, and taking advantage of opportunities I wish I had. And I have to pep talk myself out of the sadness because I would not want to mishandle anything that I want or need because I got it before I could handle or appreciate it. Everyday we see how people squander away what they want and need because they received it before they could really handle it. What they wanted or needed dies along with pieces of them. And that’s not what I want.

I have realized that this is not about being patient it’s about being content. Being content not until you get what you want but content enough with yourself that even if you never get what you want you don’t go into mild or severe depression. You have to know within yourself that you are made up of moments that you wish you could live over and over and moments you wish you never have live again.  And that what is meant for you is meant only for you and be stable and secure enough to wait on them. I have been doing some thinking about who I am and what I want. I have changed plans and changed plans and changed plans again. And many times I look around I see where I am and where I thought I would have been and at times it makes me upset.

I know that it may just be me but I see so much for myself and I so much left to accomplish. I know that I could have absolutely anything at anytime but at what cost? I may not have come to a great epiphany but I am at a calmness with what I have and what is yet to come. I know that I may not always feel this way but I know that when I think about this I will understand that my time will also come and I won’t have to be out-of-order to have any of it. So for those who may be feeling like you are behind or don’t have what you could have know that you may not be where you want to be but you are not where you could be either.

Optimistically taking in Keri Hilson’s Energy and Chrisette Michele’s Fragile with chipped and cracked shocking pink.

-Imagoodgrl

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This bible says in Phillipians 4:6 :

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

You know how you can want something so badly that you can only see what you want? If no one else has ever felt this way I have and currently do. I feel like I want so many things that I know that I can’t have right now. As time has moved forward, truthfully not a lot of time but time nonetheless, I have begun to understand the importance of exercising patience.

Everyday you may have a new list of things that you want to do or that you want. Everyday you realize what needs to be done to get to the place you want to be or to obtain what you want. You find yourself in a place where you have to wait.  Well what is patience? Dictionary.com says an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. I think it is funny. I remember being younger, my sister would ask my mother for some juice and my mother would tell her to wait. She would wait for a certain about of time and ask again. She would do this for as many times as it took before my mother warned if she was not patient then she would not get anything especially the juice. It was funny because she was told to wait and she did but my mother essentially wanted her to be patient.

IMG00047-20091024-0526That being said I thought about that when my friend asked me if I was bothered by something taking so long. I answered no but it did. As I thought about it more I couldn’t understand why it did. This thing that I want, I have wanted for a while. I also knew and know that it isn’t something that I can have right now. I know and have known that this is something that could not be taken lightly, yet due to things I had allowed myself to entertain thoughts, ideas, and fantasies that exceed the timeframe that I am in. So I grow seemingly less patient for the things that I want.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Jeremiah 29:11 :

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I love it because it reminds us that things that we want that may even be for will not come to us in our time. Some people may not see it this way but I have. I understand this to tell me anything that is not going my way was set up for my ultimate victory and things that I may have to be patient for will come not in my time but in God’s time.IMG00078-20091025-1131

I was thinking on the importance of being patience. The thing is when things are rushed it typical turns for the worse. Think about how long it takes athletes to recover from injuries when they have not gone through rehab correctly. It cause the player ultimate pain. Sometimes when you want something and it is not the time for it you could cause yourself to have to back pedal. Back pedaling isn’t bad when you dont have anyway around it or when you find that you need to find to source of your issues but when you know that something should be handled with great discretion and you force it or walk into it blindly you have set yourself up for ultimate failure. I am asking those of you who are a lot like myself and feel that there are things that you want that you can not attain right now to remember that it took God six days to create the world. That being said you have to allow things to take their natural course and in the end you will be able to receive what is for you and see what you want for what it is.

Patiently drinking in The Prayers of the Righteous by Israel and New Breed with a clear conscience.